Being a parent of an adoptive child is hard and it is unique from being a bio parent. The stress and sadness comes across in your post. I hear it. This is hard. Allow yourself permission to feel this without guilt.

Here's the double challenge: you must also allow your son the time and space he needs to feel safe. To feel like you love him. Gifts will not accomplish this. Consistency will. Set standards for him that he (you?) can manage today. As time passes and he understands what it is like to be part of a family, extend those standards. He sets the pace, not you. You set the boundaries.

Create a support circle around yourself. You will need a clan of positivity around you as you walk this path. Both you and your son are learning a new skill and that is how to be a family together. You can do this if you open yourself to learning from him.

Be well.