Peeing the Bed Finally Makes Sense
I love what I do. I mean seriously love it. It fills so many buckets for my personal purpose and the only thing that saddens me about being a coach is how long it took younger me to discover this need within. But there’s something about being a coach that well, sometimes sucks and that’s the part about having to do the work too. Sigh. Yup. It is impossible to show up authentically with your clients, hold space for them and really approach their time with you without judgement if you haven’t done the work first within.
I go in waves… my waves of self-reflection, self-discovery. Days, weeks and even months can pass without a “a-ha” moment and then BOOM!, outta left field, one appears. This happened a few weeks back when I was doing some reading and realized, “Wow, I am a people pleaser!” Just like that, the mirror was face to face with me and the truth stared me down with a clarity that only comes to me in these types of moments. Shit. So now the digging starts, the reflection, the honest inner conversations with self, the vulnerability (ugh… thank you Bréne Brown).
By the young age of 3, my parents had divorced. This may not shake your world in reading that sentence from today’s standards but it was the early 70’s and NO ONE was getting divorced — that is, except my parents. My mom worked full time at the local hospital, doing shift work and my brother and I were partially raised by my grandfather. It was awesome. I hardly realized the abnormality of it all… life wasn’t bad. Yet looking back, I see the thread that weaves itself through every story and every memory: be small, do not attract attention, keep the peace, be two steps ahead of everyone’s needs and wants. The stress of all of this showed up in regular peeing the bed moments… ones that were met with an exhausted mother who could not understand why I peed the bed — again!!! But looking back, I think the pressure of keeping things calm had a price to be paid and it showed up in the accidents that happened as I slept. Something gives, dear reader, something always gives.
Fast forward a few decades. I’m not that different from that little girl. I’m taller and older (soooo much older) but my inner core remains consistently the same: put others first; keep the peace; find the solutions; be two-steps ahead of those you love. I am working on re-writing my psyche but its hard. I’ve had a lot of practice at this people pleasing thang and I’m pretty good at it at this stage in life. But if I could go back and speak to my younger self, if I could share lessons with your inner child, that might resonate with you, it would sound something like this:
1) Fuck up as often as possible. Make mistakes, get dirty, be a fool, look awful…. None of it matters. Your rawness and fearlessness is powerful. Stay in the arena…. Fuck those sitting and watching.
2) Know that it is okay to not have all the answers — that you don’t need to have all the answers to still be valuable. Explore solutions with others, feel that team and sense of empowerment that comes from realizing that finding the answers is better than having the answers.
3) Dance and do not care if others are watching or judging. Chances are they are looking at you with a longing for they too would like to dance. Show them that its okay. Dance!!
4) Believe that you can be anything you want to be. You do not need to go to College, or University. You do not need to get married, have a house, have babies. You do not need to have a corner office type career. What you do get to do is choose for yourself what happiness looks like to you and for you.
5) Have the craziest wildest fucking hair in the room and own it!!! Your difference is what makes you you…. Let it shine!!!!
